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Six Pack on the Dashboard

By on Oct 8, 2010 in News, Politics | 0 comments

Above the Fold Ale: The Mormons are getting hit from the right and the left. As covered by every legitimate news outlet in the city today, thousands of protestors marched around Temple Square Thursday night to protest the speech made during last weekend’s LDS General Conference by President Boyd K. [Korn] Packer. Here’s the Trib’s coverage. The story isn’t ending, however. Associated Press’ Jennifer Dobner reports that national leaders from the Human Rights Campaign will hand-deliver 100,000 letters to the LDS Church that demand that Packer’s statements be retracted. And … the LDS Church has actually retracted some of those statements. According to the Trib’s Peggy Fletcher Stack, the text of Packer’s speech has been amended to remove the reference to God not making a “mistake” like creating gay people. From the other side, the Mormons are getting hit by conservative Christians. This week, the pastor for the church where Sharron Angle goes to church in Reno called Mormons a “cult” and basically a religion of freaks and nut jobs. He did so using many well-worn anecdotes, from their magic underwear to secretive ceremonies. He also did so as a direct attack on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Mormon. What amazes me is that if this race were in Utah, Angle would still win — maybe because she her hate of Muslims balances things out. Finally, a reminder that the Open Container’s civility policy prohibits me from mentioning any of the stories reported by the Mormon Media Empire. Thus, I will not link to the absurdly, blatantly, nakedly and offensively unbalanced story printed in their print product. I will, however, give this advice: If you’re not one of their unquestioning flock, stop reading, watching or listening to anything owned by the LDS Church. If you do, don’t start squawking about journalistic integrity or the such, because the Mormon Media operation is not a legitimate journalistic endeavor. It’s like complaining about the ethics of the PR folks writing your company newsletter. Political Pocket Rockets: A rally is scheduled for Saturday afternoon to garner support for Morgan Philpot. Salt Lake County politics is getting fun again, with the county donkeys filing a suit with the Utah Supreme Court about campaign finance laws. Speaking of gay issues, Orlando Weekly has an interesting piece about the Log Cabin Republicans that asks the eternal question: why? Finally, former Gov. Jon Huntsman buys a home in Washington, D.C. for $3.6 million. That’s a chunk of change, considering his last home in Utah is currently on the market for less than a $100,000. Utah Beer: West High is celebrating homecoming. Go, Panthers, Go! (That’s for my wife, by the way). More drilling coming to Eastern Utah. Salt Lake City Council is struggling to figure out what to do with the Parley’s Nature Park. Leisure Time Lager: It’s Friday, so here’s a little piece about quitting your job. Follow that with one of the best cover letters ever, written by Hunter S. Thompson. Josh’s Java: Researchers are still looking for explanations for the colony collapse disorder. Meanwhile, batters are trying to figure out Tim Lincecum. I would love to see a Game 7 NLCS match-up between Roy Halladay and Lincecum. Weekly Weizen: Tonight there a live reading of HOWL. Scott Renshaw reviews It’s Kind of a Funny Story. Tomorrow at Liberty Park is the Cooler World Music Festival. Dan Nailen highlights two local bands having CD releases this weekend. Finally, watch the Salt Blog tomorrow for my weekly “Hop N’ Bop” post. The Six Pack on the Dashboard update is published every weekday. To subscribe to an e-mail version, send a message to For an RSS feed of the Open Container and all of the other City Weekly blog posts, visit the Salt Blog at...

Cleansing My Temple

By on Oct 7, 2010 in News | 0 comments

When it comes to the notoriously nasty world of political blogging, is there a line where civil discourse becomes uncivil? Following in the footsteps of another media empire, the Open Container Media Empire has teamed up with itself to try and answer that question. The Open Container Media Empire is the parent of two cats — one of us is wearing a cone and doped up on drugs, but I’ll let you figure out which cat/blogger — and one perfect son. “We believe there is a great opportunity to debate and discuss the important political issues and to include all media outlets, bloggers big and small and raving lunatics on TRAX in our posts. But we believe that all debates can be done in a civil, dignified and respectful manner,” says a statement on, well, okay. This is the statement, but whatever. The OCME statement continued: “We also believe that the discourse can be tolerant of divergent beliefs, ideologies, driving abilities, sexual orientation, skin colors, drink choices and opinions about the Dodgers.” The ratings of the various media organizations were done on a -3 to +3 scale, because at OCME we decided that was the best way to grade was to give a rating that confused people even more than figure skating scores. I mean, the 10-scale is passe and a thumbs up/thumbs down is only done by media outlets that actually pay critics, instead of just recruiting, say, free labor, students or pets to do the heavy lifting. As for the ratings for major media outlets, Fox 13 was given a 2.82, primarily because it’s not the lunatic-bin of Glenn Beck clones that everyone expects anything “Fox” to become. The Salt Lake Tribune received a 2.45, thanks to their hiring of many of OCME’s friends — although, to be fair, the ratings were finished before their bizarre endorsement of Gov. Gary Herbert. KUTV Channel 2 was given a 2.34 because, based on Rod Decker’s questions at the Herbert Is A Saint press conference, they are very tolerant of insanity. KTVX 4 received a 1.66 because OCME likes Chris Vanocur and doesn’t know anybody else. Not everyone scored positive, however. The Deseret Digitial Mormon Media Empire received a cumulative -69.65 because …. THEY HATE GAY PEOPLE. They hate every lettered-person in the LGTBQQ etc. etc. community. They see them as addicts, as “sinners” waiting to be fixed. They’ve given up on helping prostitutes, drug addicts or sexual abuse victims. They want to “help” gay people by curing them of … what? Love? Natural physical attractions? “We listen to them [media outlets] and then we rate whether they have a positive or negative tone,” said OCME President Josh Loftin. “[We look for] whether it [media organizations] furthers civility in politics, and in life, or hinders it, and then whether our impression of the media organization is positive or negative after the reading them.” Josh Loftin II, vice president of sales for OCME [who, frankly, should be fired] is spearheading the project for OCME. He said the OCME hopes to elevate political and social discussions. “If this process is successful, we won’t steer the outcome of a news story, but we might have some influence on an editor to actually use words like ‘gay’ without saying it [the word] like it [the word] is covered in fecal matter [shit],” Loftin II said. Regarding the DDMME’s lack of civility, Loftin II pointed to coverage of the recent “bigotry-laced, ignorant and basically asinine” speech by the next LDS prophet, Boyd K. [Korn] Packer during the recent LDS General Conference. While other media outlets covered it as a news story — because, after all, it was deeply offensive to every gay person, their friends, their family and, hell, even many straight Mormons — the DDMME somehow covered the speech without mentioning that anyone was offended or that the speech was even about GAY PEOPLE. No, it’s people “struggling” with “same-sex attraction,” which Mr. K. [Korn] Packer equates with “crack smoker.” When asked for a comment, DDMME Overlord Mark Willes kicked Loftin and Loftin II in the nuts [balls], then tried to kick the cats in their respective reproductive organs [not balls]. Both are fixed [spayed or neutered, but OCME gets confused about which is which] so no damage was inflicted. Okay, no comment was actually requested, but everyone can agree there is a good chance of that response [Willes kicking Loftin & Co. in the nuts [balls]] happening, right? So, starting after this post, let it be noted that OCME will enforce its new civility policy by refusing to link to any media outlet it deems as “uncivil.” For now, that simply means no links or mentions of any story published in the Deseret News, on KSL TV or blathered about on KSL Radio. And yes, this is a serious ban: If you want anymore discussion of any about these outlets or the stories they publish, turn elsewhere. Because OCME is done [meaning, until the next late-night...

Six Pack on the Dashboard

By on Oct 1, 2010 in Music, News, Politics | 2 comments

Above the Fold Ale: Dear Gov. Gary Herbert, I get it. I understand. Things are rough and never seem to improve. It’s like your stuck on the front 9 during a bad game of golf. Your tee shots are hitting the fairway and kicking into the rough. Approach shots are two-hopping through the green and into the sand. Putts are lipping out. To make matters worse, your opponent is getting balls to ricochet off trees and into the fairway. He hits a shot thin and it turns into a beautiful bump-and-run. It’s the kind of game that, personally, has driven me to get in losing sword fights with trees or break my big toe kicking my bag. It’s hard, days like these, and it only makes it harder when people tell you everything will be okay. You fear, in your gut, things are not okay. Here’s a tip, though: Play your game. Your opponent is counting on pushing you over the edge, and right now, it appears to be working. Every counter-punch you have thrown actually hurt your hand more than his face. News conferences have been derailed by aggressive supporters and surprise revelations. Your subordinates are flaunting their independence. Your best friends are having sex in your backyard. You requested an audit, but that only seemed to confuse people. So yes, it’s ugly and getting uglier. Questions are being raised, but the answers only create more questions. The questions are also eroding the confidence people have in you, because people are starting to cast you as either corrupt or incompetent. Remember July? That was a good month. Lots of vacation. Parades and picnics. No stupid memos or embarrassing questions. To fix what’s gone wrong, reassert your power. Make it clear that, as one of our greatest presidents said, that you are “the decider.” People need to be fired, demoted or otherwise taken to the woodshed. Everything, and I mean everything, needs to come through your office. Stand up and tell the people that the state is doing well, all things considered, and the only mistake was actually one made by the Legislature when they gave UDOT entirely too much power. Tell the people that if they re-elect you, the problems will get fixed, and then dismiss any accusations that you caused the problems as bald-faced lies. And, for God’s sake, stop meeting with big donors in your office to thank them for donating. Alternatively, do what I always want to do: Pack up, move out. Put on Atherton’s “Pale Summer” and play it loud. Start at the first track and play it straight through, like they did when people could actually take a long road trip without worrying about the environmental fallout. Drive fast, head west. By the time you’ve played the album twice — and yes, it’s that good — you’ll blow across the state line, where you can stop in Wendover, grab a six-pack of real beer and put money on the S.F. Giants to win the World Series. From there, find an empty road, crack one of those beers, and relish the freedom. Happy Friday, governor. Enjoy the weekend, such as it is, because you’re in for a slog of an October. Political Pocket Rockets: AG Mark Shurtleff spoke in D.C. this week, using testimony written by the macro-brew lobbyists. Morgan Philpot tries the failed strategy of referencing obscure procedural things for a political attack. Utah Beer: Two new TRAX lines opening next summer. Salt Lake City laying off 40 more people. Moab tailings continue to disappear. The Deseret News, apparently worried that people have forgotten its own incompetency, launches a new, even more ludicrous initiative. Mark my words: This type of thing won’t stop with arts coverage. Leisure Time Lager: Wondering what to do with the heavy wad of obsolete crap thrown in your yard this week? Pete Ashdown has an idea. Josh’s Java: The Giants are going to win the N.L. West pennant tonight or tomorrow, but they will still kick the shit out of the Padres on Sunday because of this idiot. It’s called free agency, dude. Your team should try it for somebody besides a washed-up shortstop. Weekly Weizen: Scott Renshaw reviews The Social Network. Ted Scheffler revisits the Metropolitan. The Big Gay Blog looks at the crazy assistant AG in Michigan who hates the gay student body president of U of Michigan. Just once, can a homophobic person not be so blatantly closeted? Come on. The Six Pack on the Dashboard update is published every weekday. To subscribe to an e-mail version, send a message to or visit here. For an RSS feed of the Open Container and all of the other City Weekly blog posts, visit the Salt Blog at...